Cute Brute

Back at my childhood home in Kisii,
Next to the home with the tall mango tree,
Lived a nice old man with a dog named Brute;
Part hound, part terrier and part “really cute”,
Sharp as attack and safe as Troy,
Yet a bundle of energy, so full of joy.
If he was happy, just for a while,
His mouth would form what looked like a smile.
So it was no wonder that I did fall
For dear Cute Brute, weird smile and all.
For I was just a little boy
Beast and bug were my joy.
(And what separates men from boys
Is difference in size of their toys!)
But so long as the sun did shine,
The old man’d never let Brute be mine.
“Not for a million bob!” he said,
“Only if my old self were dead!”
But he would let me visit to play,
And that would always make my day.

More than just the average mutt,
Brute was way above the cut.
Though he’d also beg and roll,
Could he have a human soul?
Once I climbed the mango tree,
To selfishly fill my mouth with glee
Reaping where I had not sown
Then my cover was almost blown
For who should chance to see my sin
But Cute Brute, he of the half-grin!
Many before me he had caught,
And what a lesson were they taught!
But instead of barking like a hound,
He didn’t utter even a sound.
Instead he sat there, half-smile and all,
Making my guilty insides crawl.
I came down, and since then,
I’ve never stolen a thing again.
I heard the news the other day,
Cute Brute’s soul had flown away,
Because of him, I’m not a thief,
I’m a good man, to be brief.
There will be heart ache for a while,
For I’ll miss Cute Brute, he of the half-smile.

Unappreciated

She somehow succeeds to hold back the tears,
But her heart is still hurting,
She’s endured a lot for many years,
Yet there’s still a lot that’s wanting,
Valiantly fighting for the blind man
Who thinks that he can see,
Vainly, proudly, he scorns her plan
To set the blind man free.

In one fatal blow the big man strikes
And the blind man’s in a box,
And through her heart, enormous spikes
He drives through with rocks.
So now she cant, try as she might,
Get the man unboxed,
And the blind man’s still void of sight
To see he’s been outfoxed.

A day will come when the blind man
Will open his eyes wide,
To find himself caged in a can
Unable to get outside,
She wont be there to get her out
Coz she’ll be long gone,
And no matter how loud and long he’ll shout,
He’ll only regret his scorn.

Trust

It’s not easy to trust You,
To believe that You’ll come through
And be true to what You said You’ll do;
Coz sometimes You just don’t make sense.
You want me to go through the wilderness
When there’s a shorter path to that place;
And when it’s in plain sight,
It seems “right” to take flight from Your light,
And fight for what’s “rightfully” mine;
Forgetting there’s a reason for every single season;
That there’s growth when I’m under pressure;
And learning in good measure
In the absence of leisure.
And besides, You’re always with me.
So I will wait on You …

Edge

I stand on the edge of the ledge,
Heart overbeating;
Sweating yet I’m not overheating.
Thinking of what would happen if the ground and I were meeting
By means of gravitation and lack of levitation.
Nothing much to go back to.
I messed,
And the world did the rest.
They mock and jest the unwelcome guest that I am.
So this pest thinks the best way out of this jam Is to move forward…

I stand on the edge of the ledge,
Scared;
Knowing what would happen if I dared.
From the judgment seat
To the pit of heat,
“And it won’t be alright because I don’t like the way it hurts…”
Forward, backward, ahh!!
I will stay here,
Rooted in fear,
Afraid to draw near,
Afraid of the world’s jeer,
Trapped outside…

I stand on the edge of the ledge,
Realizing this is just a season;
That everything happens for a reason.
Gaining courage to face my fears,
The world’s taunts and jeers.
For there’s One Who’s always hear;
Ever dear,
Who hears me when I cry inside,
Is near when I sigh,
Will save me before I die…

I stand on the edge of the ledge no longer…

The One

Who is the One?
Is it the one who makes my heart beat faster
And my knees as pasta;
Whose voice freezes time in its prime
and chimes out the rhymes in my mind;
Who stutters the eloquent, stumbles the cool,
Turns the genius into a fool?
Is it the one whose beauty is not just skin,
But is beauty from without to within?
Is it the one who invaded my mind
And conquered my heart?
Is it the one I stress to impress?
Whose joy makes me smile,
Whose frown makes me walk a mile
or more to remove the vile bile that’s stolen her smile?
Is this the one?
Or is it someone else…

Her Shadow

I stand in her shadow,
Longing for her gaze.
But that, like mist, is a haze.
I long to hear her voice,
Bless or curse, I make no choice.
But it seems like,to her, I don’t exist,
Like a figment of her imagination,
Or as salt in a solution adds no volume,
So am I; void, a vacuum.

By now the ladies’ fingers’ have found the criminal;
“It’s the guy’s fault, he’s the animal!”
But what wrong did I do?
I blew no bomb,threw no shoe.
I only told the truth;
But maybe I lacked ruth…

The fact is I didn’t act with tact.
I lacked the right words,
And what I had were,well, just words,
Violently tearing her apart,
Repeatedly stabbing at her heart…

And so I stand in her shadow,
Longing for her gaze,
Hoping she’ll turn around and smile
Without bile;
And all the darkness will melt away…

Heart

You’ve done it again!
You’ve discarded logic and left me in pain
To desire to gain what my mind considers vain
And believes I should refrain
For I cannot attain this one…
But if my namesake couldn’t understand you,
Who am I to try?

But no,you reign my desire,
And fan the fire within me
I look away,but no,you still want
I close my eyes but no, you still pant.
I give explanations and worked out calculations
Of probable permutations to bend your inclination
But all my justifications give increased determination
To exact my destruction on this hopeless cause.

So I persevere
As you lay me to waste,
Pound me to paste
Hoping to taste relief
Wishing the prophet,my namesake
Had better luck than I
In understanding the heart…

She

So near, yet just out of my grasp,
She taunts me.
Though I chase hard, she doesn’t flee;
She looks on with glee
At me,
Deriving joy from the plea
That in my eyes she sees

In vain I try some more,
But though she jests
I will not rest.
I cannot leave the floor,
I will not shut the door.
This quest dwells deep within my heart core
And to fail will leave my heart sore.
It will never be a bore,
A melancholic chore,
To chase some more.

Then the veil was removed!
And I saw why she daunts me
Taunts me
Trying to make me see
Why we can never be.
For, you see
My tail and I are one!
We have always been, how can we ever be?
So I bark and wag my tail in glee,
Knowing she will never flee
For we were always meant to be.

The Bogey-Man

My monster lives inside me
he lies under my skin
covered by my hypocrisy
kept safe by my deceit
he ravages my conscious
and mutilates my innocence
my monster eats at my soul
leaving me empty, heartless and cold
leaving me unfettered, curious and bold
for where i was chained to my conscience
i now am free and oblivious
where i was bound by my duty
i am now at ease
and so i live a lie
covering up the hideous me i have become
and let the lie live for me

my monster lives inside me
willing me, pushing me…..fooling me,
no conscience to atone, no morals to condone
i fight so hard to hide him
cover him up with my disguise
but just beneath the surface
he fights from my inside
then he shows me all my fantasies
illicit, secret burdens i bear
sensual satisfactions for my wants and cares
hidden addictions to contraband experiences
then i lose my will to fight anymore
i become the monster, hungry and lusting
pursuing my addictions, blinded and greedy
i ravage all around me, uncaring and unloving
and in my lustful stupor i kill
friendships, family……wounds that hurt to heal
and it feels good…oooh so good
to live inside my fantasies
to dance outside my boundaries
only to realize my nightmares are my memories
and this satisfactions makes up my miseries
…this pleasure only adds to my injuries

my monster lives inside me…….
alienating those i love
chocking me in the smoke of those bridges i’ve burned
hiding in the shadows of lessons i failed to learn
cursed with the memories of a life i once had
haunted by the truth i have now come to know
…….that my monster is me.

By Samson Mbugua

Gone

My heart smiles whenever she’s glad,
It cries whenever she’s sad.
I’d go round the world to dry her tears,
Slay all the monsters to allay her fears.
Whenever life gives creases,
What I’d give to be beside her, to pick up the pieces…

But alas! It can never be,
The one beside her can never be me;
She’s got someone else to share starry skies,
And when life gives lemons, to dry her eyes,
Leaving my heart torn to shreds.
Now my future’s a painful dread…

My heart cries but I do not sadden;
My mind can’t comprehend yet I don’t madden;
For I know the One who lights my way,
Who gives life and takes it away.
He gives peace to those in pain,
And I guess that’s all I need to gain…