My monster lives inside me
he lies under my skin
covered by my hypocrisy
kept safe by my deceit
he ravages my conscious
and mutilates my innocence
my monster eats at my soul
leaving me empty, heartless and cold
leaving me unfettered, curious and bold
for where i was chained to my conscience
i now am free and oblivious
where i was bound by my duty
i am now at ease
and so i live a lie
covering up the hideous me i have become
and let the lie live for me
my monster lives inside me
willing me, pushing me…..fooling me,
no conscience to atone, no morals to condone
i fight so hard to hide him
cover him up with my disguise
but just beneath the surface
he fights from my inside
then he shows me all my fantasies
illicit, secret burdens i bear
sensual satisfactions for my wants and cares
hidden addictions to contraband experiences
then i lose my will to fight anymore
i become the monster, hungry and lusting
pursuing my addictions, blinded and greedy
i ravage all around me, uncaring and unloving
and in my lustful stupor i kill
friendships, family……wounds that hurt to heal
and it feels good…oooh so good
to live inside my fantasies
to dance outside my boundaries
only to realize my nightmares are my memories
and this satisfactions makes up my miseries
…this pleasure only adds to my injuries
my monster lives inside me…….
alienating those i love
chocking me in the smoke of those bridges i’ve burned
hiding in the shadows of lessons i failed to learn
cursed with the memories of a life i once had
haunted by the truth i have now come to know
…….that my monster is me.
By Samson Mbugua
The Balcony 